my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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