I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
