i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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