mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
