I think i sorta joined a cult last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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