if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
