Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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