so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
