how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A bitchslap is in order.
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