I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
