We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
