Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
