me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
