twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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