Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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