Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
