Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
