you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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