I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
