a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm at about main and main street
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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