I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
