so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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