New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
only you would photoshop your dick
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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