Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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