Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
