Can Purell be used as lube?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
