I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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