he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
