I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize