I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
