I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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