she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
