im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Soap is not a condiment
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
