she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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