So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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