Sorry, I don't speak sober.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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