You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
