I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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