Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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