You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize