Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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