I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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