so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize