WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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