I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
