I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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