i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
