so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize