HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
