I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize