hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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