Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
