The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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