would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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