I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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