Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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