At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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