Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
