i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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