Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize