I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
