she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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