We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
