Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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