u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
