the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
