We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
