I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
