im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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