it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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