TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
