Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
