you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
A+ Viking dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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