I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
