She's JV to your varsity
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
