Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
