8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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