You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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