Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize