I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
