yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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