I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
