I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
