You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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