he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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