Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize