her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
